Get Skinny Be Happy!

I looked at myself at the mirror today and it really sunk it. I have to do something different. It’s time for extreme weight loss. I’ve tried counting calories. I trained for a half-marathon. I’ve cut fats and carbs and switched to mostly organic foods, but I’m not getting anywhere. I am never going to get to my ideal weight unless I completely change the framework of how I am thinking and acting.

I’ve only been back in Oklahoma City for a few days. The sad fact is, there isn’t a lot going on here. Eating is probably the single most popular form of entertainment. Unfortunately, the quality of food is not very high and tastes trend towards burgers, pizza and any kind of animal or vegetable that can be deep fried. I have to admit that I’ve even eaten a chicken fried steak. I haven’t eaten a chicken fried steak in years.

I feel polluted.

And the bad stuff is everywhere. There isn’t a Whole Foods or similar health-focused grocery store anywhere in the city. The grocery stores here haven’t advanced much since the 1950’s. Most of them have huge meat smokers outside the front doors and I have always associated shopping for food with that smoked meat smell. If you drive anywhere, you are going to pass at least 20 fast food joints. I grew up on this stuff, and I have to admit it’s tough to resist the temptation at times.

Your surroundings affect you whether you want to admit it or not. I know if I don’t establish a mental framework, I will easily slip back into my old way of thinking, acting and eating.

I am going to devote the next several months of my life to Extreme Weight Loss. I’ve even written it down on a card and taped it to my bathroom mirror. It sounds like a Mountain Dew slogan and I don’t know why I have fixated on it. But I am gearing up to do something extreme… something outside the social norm.

“Extreme weight loss” sounds scary and dangerous. I know. And it can be dangerous and destructive. We have all heard horror stories about someone going on an extreme weight loss diet. They lose a ton of weight through diet pills or eating nothing but cabbage soup and then gain back twice as much. This is not what I’m talking about.

I don’t have trouble maintaining my weight. Even when I go through periods of lots of socializing (i.e. drinking lots of alcohol), I can keep my weight within a 3 pound window without even trying. This is even easier when I’m in Austin and there are a lot of healthy food options. But maintaining weight and LOSING weight are 2 different things.

So I am gearing myself up for an intense period of time in which my sole focus is on getting in shape (in addition to the work project which is why I’m here in the first place). I still have a little bit of research left to do on how exactly I’m going to do this, but it will be a little more intense than the Hacker’s Diet but not quite as crazy as an extreme weight loss fast.

Optifast is sounding really good. I’ve been reading up a little more on Optifast. I did read some more about Kevin Smith and learned that he has apparently put all the weight back on and then some. In one of his podcasts he mentioned a friend that was on a similar weight loss program but it was one that included one “real food” meal a day. That guy apparently was able to ease back into a normal diet and didn’t put any weight back on. If there’s anybody who has an idea of what this program is, I would be interested in hearing about it. The other problem I have with Optifast is that it requires a clinic and there isn’t one remotely close to where I am.

I’m not interested in doing anything dangerous. “Extreme Weight Loss” is more of a mantra that I’ve chosen for myself and one that is going to guide me for the next few months. The next few months are geared towards burning fat, building muscle and losing weight. Then I will tear up my Extreme Weight Loss index card and replace it with something else. This probably sounds goofy, but this is part of changing my mindset more than anything else.

If anybody has some great extreme weight loss tips, I would love to hear them!

These journal entries are reprinted from my actual hand-written journal and will be posted on the days I wrote them. Minor edits have been made to conceal identities and protect the innocent.

I’ve been reading a book called My Boring-Ass Life by director Kevin Smith. Smith is the director of Clerks, Dogma, Chasing Amy and a bunch more. I’ve followed his career since the release of Clerks, which was a pretty big deal to me at the time it came out. The rest of his movies have been somewhat hit or miss, but the guy is very talented and has done a great job of building a devoted fan base.

My Boring-Ass Life collects over a year of journal entries that Smith published on his blog. The book’s title is pretty appropriate because big chunks of the book are pretty boring. But, the book has sections that are pretty compelling and justify the whole thing. The real high-point is a multi-chapter recounting of Jason Mewes’ struggles with heroin. However, I was most intrigued by the sections of the book where Smith discusses his own struggles to lose weight. I’m sure this was only interesting to me because my own personal weight loss has been on my mind a lot lately.

Smith is definitely a food addict, and he admits it in My Boring-Ass Life. He even describes some of his eating binges in hilarious detail. When he decides to lose weight, he signs up for Optifast. He pays a visit to a clinic, does a weigh-in and gets some supplies. From what I can tell, Optifast is a liquid diet that consists of shakes. Smith goes on Optifast and does pretty good. He drops a lot of weight. He also mentions that he has been on Optifast before and had good results but had gradually put the weight back on. He does mention that he is pretty miserable and really wants food all the time.

Optifast is pretty appealing to me because it is something drastic and I need to take some kind of drastic action. I lost weight doing the Hacker’s Diet, but it was pretty slow going. I know that if I can get to my medically advised weight (189 pounds), I can stay pretty close to that. I’ve just been overweight so long that I don’t even remember the last time I was under 200 pounds.

I spent some time researching Optifast and you definitely have to visit one of their clinics to get started. The only problem is that there isn’t a clinic anywhere near me. The price sounds like something I can swing, but I need to figure out the logistics.

These journal entries are reprinted from my actual hand-written journal and will be posted on the days I wrote them. Minor edits have been made to conceal identities and protect the innocent.

January 21, 2009

I spent all day on I-35 today driving back to my hometown. When I hit what was roughly the halfway point I pulled through a McDonalds drive through and loaded up.

For some reason, Road trips trigger my cravings for fast food. McDonalds in particular. I rarely ever eat McDonalds anymore. Maybe it’s all the billboards with giant photos of french fries asking me if my Fry Gauge is low. I ate a lot of McDonalds as a kid so my brain and taste buds got wired for this stuff at an early age. Growing up, McDonald’s was a home-cooked meal.

The cashier handed me my order in a bulging but beautiful paper bag:

• Double Cheeseburger Meal – super-sized (or whatever they call it now).
• Filet-o-Fish Sandwich
• 2 Apple Pies
• Large Diet Coke

I pounded this at 70-80 miles per hour. I didn’t even really need to look down to see what I was eating. Salty, delicious goodness. After months of no fast food, I was pretty amazed at the physical “rush” I got from eating it. There was definitely a buzz. But 60 miles later, the buzz had faded and was replaced by regret and an an uncomfortably full feeling.

Any lesson that may have been learned was a moot point by dinner time when I decimated some Taco Bueno for dinner.

Now, it’s night time and I’m at my parents home where I’ll be staying for a month or so while I’m here for a work project. Staying with your parents as an adult is always a complicated mixed bag of emotions. But I just weighed myself and I am much heavier than I have been deluding myself about being. I’m pushing 260 pounds and I feel pretty terrible.

My weight is only one of the elements of my life that I feel are pretty screwed up at the moment. My finances, my career and my relationships are also at the top of the list. But, I feel like getting control of my weight could be a good starting point for all of the rest of it.

It’s going to be extra difficult here, because the options for quality food are very limited. Fast food seems to rule the land. The prevailing concept of going out for dinner seems to be pretty much confined to pizza, mexican food or chicken fried steak. There’s not even a modern grocery store within driving distance – not to mention a Whole Foods.

So, I have some thinking to do.

Fun Fast Food Fact!: The World’s Largest McDonald’s

The McDonald’s you see above – straddling the highway in Vinita, Oklahoma – has longed claimed the title of the world’s largest McDonald’s. This is no longer factually true. The actual “world’s largest McDonald’s” is in Orlando, Florida. Vinita, Oklahoma’s other claim to fame is an annual Calf Fry Festival held every September.

Anyone want to guess what Calf Fries are?